God requires perfection in our living. So how come I feel safe when I've been an adulteress. God is also a loving God and he has provided a way for all who believe to come to him through Jesus, the only perfect human, who was also God. If we put our trust in him our sins are wiped away and God accepts us as his own children and welcomes us into his kingdom, no matter how bad we've been. So there is hope for you.
When we lose a loved one it is natural to wonder how they are faring in the next life. I would warn against going to a medium to find out. At worst these people are charlatans after your money, the rest misguided or worse. We are told in the Bible not to try to reach the dead. The best person to call on in this situation is Jesus. That's right, go to the top. He is always available through prayer and doesn't make a charge. All he requires is that you look for him with all your heart. He has the answers to all of life's difficult questions.
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