I have had bouts of depression in the past, so I understood the problem when my friend became depressed.One thing about her I do not understand. She wants to be with people all the time when she is feeling bad, whereas I like to hide myself away, preferably in bed. My friend decided she couldn't cope at home any more and got herself admitted to hospital. She was taken to a hospital 30 miles away which was not very suitable because the patients there were suffering from dementia. After four days she was moved to a centre much nearer home. The problem is in England that care in the community (that is, at home) is now the norm and there are very few hospital places for mental health patients.Sometimes a patient wants to stop the world and get off. It is at such times that hospital admission is needed.
The old Victorian psychiatric hospitals were often not the best solution, but things have swung too far. Presumably care in the community is a cheaper option. I hope to visit my friend on Monday. It will be good not to have to do the thirty mile trip that I made to see her last Tuesday.
Now I have to make plans for when she comes home. It is a mistake to molly coddle a depressed person. They should be encouraged to do as much as possible for themselves and to get out and about. If you are overly kind to a depressed person you will be in danger of reinforcing their need to be depressed. This is counter productive. Fortunately she knows I have limitations and I don't think she will try to push me to do more than I am able.
Avoid the temptation to solve all the depressed person's problems. This is something they have to do for themselves when they begin to feel better. You can't live their life for them. Depression is all about finding yourself up a blind alley and working yourself out of it again. It is hard work and can leave you feeling exhausted. My friend gets very clingy which is very claustrophobic for me. I have learned to be very firm about her access to me. I need a certain amount of space. I have sometimes found it necessary to ignore phone calls in order to conserve my own strength. If you are worn to a frazzle you cannot be of any help to your friend.
Never say to your depressed friend,"Pull yourself together." Whatever it is that we use to pull ourselves together is the part that is weak and ill. There will come a time when the depressed person can pull themselves together, but only they will know when that time has come.The depressed person would do anything to escape from the pit in which they have fallen.They will feel guilty for feeling the way they do and life will feel meaningless. They will feel that they are stuck like this forever no matter how many times they have been through depression and recovered. This time they feel they will not escape.You need to be very positive about their future so that they can have a glimmer of hope that all will be well again.
When we lose a loved one it is natural to wonder how they are faring in the next life. I would warn against going to a medium to find out. At worst these people are charlatans after your money, the rest misguided or worse. We are told in the Bible not to try to reach the dead. The best person to call on in this situation is Jesus. That's right, go to the top. He is always available through prayer and doesn't make a charge. All he requires is that you look for him with all your heart. He has the answers to all of life's difficult questions.
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